Kay and the lessons I have learned

The many rains since that day have washed the stains away, the beauty of that place has once more been restored. The agony and pain have faded with the stains and new life has come to a heart where darkness once reigned supreme.

On April 5th, 1998 Kay Jackson was ripped from the lives of many people who loved her. There is no sense to it and still no answers but the Lord has made me a new creature because I knew and loved Kay, my best friend, confidant and a very real person, she was a very special and unique woman, perfectly wonderfully flawed and someone who was always seeking God’s heart. I vividly remember her face and her fun, witty personality that few where party to due to her shy nature. Though raw hurt still springs up unexpectedly the Lord has brought understanding and meaning to the tragedy that destroyed this heart with guilt, anger and inexplicable pain. Lots of times people want to make the person who has passed out to be a saint. I like to remember people how they truly were. That is why I say she was perfectly wonderfully flawed because God creates us all this way and we are all a work in progress and because of this tragedy in my life God highlighted my weakness’ and is helping me to make them strengths, it has been a very long road to healing but one thing I have learned is that grief has no time-table and that the indelible marker that people use to draw on the fabric of our lives doesn’t fade and that we can either rise from the ashes and learn a better way to leave your mark on others lives or you can dwell in the soot and fire of hurt. Kay’s life and death taught me to love with all you have and to say it out loud. Tell the people you love that you love them, tell them often and mean it. I am so far from perfect but I know God has impressed on my heart to serve and love people the way I think that God loves all of us. His grace, understanding and forgiveness have helped me make good come from evil put in my life by a monstrous person who robbed joy from a community of people touched by the life of Kay. Since then I have lost many people from my Beautiful Grandma Irene, to the recent loss of the only Grandfather I have ever known, and many dear friendships that have fallen by the wasteside, through it all God reminds me of the beauty of a life fully lived and shows me a way through the grief. I tell Lily all the time that we keep people alive in our hearts by never letting our love for them diminish and by the memories, laughter, and smiles we shared with them. A very sweet friend texted me these words the other day and I hope that I can live up to them…”you seem to exemplify the best things about your faith. You have a truly good heart…you seem to have found the truth in your life.” (Thanks JD) I too am a beautifully, perfectly flawed Mom, daughter, sister, friend, granddaughter, niece and human being but, I pray that I continue to learn from the tragedy that touched my life 14 years ago and that the legacy that I leave in my wake is one of love and acceptance, and one that at the end of it God can say well done my good and faithful servant.



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