Fixing it.

I find myself in a place a lot where all I want to do is fix it. I have this yearning for peace in my life and in all the lives of the people I love. I just want to fix it, make the hurt go away, be held or hold till all the tears are gone and right the wrong. My heart longs for solutions to the conflict that touches my life and the lives around me. For myself I would love to decrease the physical distance between Gus and I and to be close and find the familiar in our love. I want to be 100% motivated in my schooling every day. I want to know how to calmly and with grace handle every parenting moment and be the best mom ever. I find myself making more missteps than walking on the path where I think I "should" be. I am realistic that I am impatient in regards to these things and that mistakes are part of life and learning but, with that being said how can I be better every day and show my love and forgiveness in a greater capacity. How do I control the factors that make my eyes fill with tears because of my failures. And, furthermore how do I ease the pain of those around me that I hold so close to my heart. My empathy runs deep and I feel like if I could just say the right thing pray harder or just listen that it will alleviate the pain and yuck that has to be worked through to get to the other side. Realistically that is so not possible but I wish it was I have learned so many lessons from the yuck but all of those lessons came with gut wrenching pain, life time consequences and many many tears. Lord, please help me to understand and hold tight to your truths and to understand that all things can work for good and that your hands are in it. Everyday is a day to process, heal, forgive, and move beyond help me embrace that and to continue on the path that has been moving me closer to the goals I have set for my life and that I hope will lead Lily to be the woman you purposed her to be. With unwavering faith and integrity. Thanks Lord for your unconditional love.

 

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