Beautiful Irene

I am not sure what to say or how to begin but to say I love you and desperately miss you. Your absense is a poignant hurt today on your 83 birthday. I think of you every single day. Your spice and sass are in my Little Lily Irene and maybe a little in me too. I often look at pictures and remember all the times we spent laughing, talking, and just being together. The way we loved each other was unique and special and the contributions that you made to my life run deep. Your imprint is as strong as ever on my heart. I still think if I could just talk to Grandma everything would better and it all would come together. It brings tears to my eye when I realize that is not possible. I know you are still with me and that you will stay alive in my heart and mind forever. I remember the last time I saw you I sat down on your bed and hugged you and gave you a kiss and you just held me whispered in my ear that you loved me and how good it felt to have your arms around me and mine around you. Beautiful thank you for loving me, teaching me, consoling me and just being my friend.
All My Love,


I recently had some car mishapes the subaru that I have been driving for 5 years I think broke down I lost the transmission and due to the fact that replacing it would cost more than the car was worth I chose to purchase a car. Now, I loved my car I love subaru’s in general and enjoyed the size and comfort of my car. It took me to Denver and back and has saftely transported Lily and I. When I started looking for a replacement car I realized that I could afford very little and that I would have to down grade. I ended up buying a 1987 Nissan Sentra. It is red and a stick shift. Those are the bonuses. Open-mouthed smile It needs a new windshield, gas gauge, tempature gauge, the air conditioner to be recharged and I could go on and on. But, as I was crawling in it after school today I realized it is all about perspective. I am a single mom who is a full time student and part time employee. I have grown to love this little red POS because it is allowing me to do life. To get Lily to daycare myself to school and work and anywhere we need or want to go. I recently put little stickers that symbolize Lily and I on the windows you know those our family stickers and it has helped me personalize my car. And Lily loves them. She says that is Mommy and that is Lily as she points to them. All in all I choose to see this misfit POS car as a life line to my dreams.

Baby Prayers

Recently Little Lily has started to say her good night prayers before I pray and I am here to tell you they are from her lips to God’s ear. She talks to Jesus like a friend recounts our day to Him asks His blessings on our family trys her best to remember every cousin, aunt & uncle and then of course her Pop and Hon as well as Grandma Betty, Nana and Grandpa Great. And then ends with a very hearty amen. Man, most times it brings tears to my eyes.

Recent Lilyisms

My sweet little Lily is already very much her own independant self and almost 3 years old. Her humor and personality keep me laughing and also on my toes. The other day I am sitting in the bathroom and she barges in on my moment alone and says mommy are you making good choices? I looked at her and said what did you say and clear as day she repeated mommy are you making good choices? I looked at her sweetness and laughed and nearly cried all at the same time.
This morning she told me I could not shower i do not know the reasons she didn’t want me to but I proceded much to her dismay. While I was in the shower she stood right outside of the curtain door and proceded to whine that I had chosen to shower. I asked her if she would like to continue and get a spanking or if she would like to stop. She stopped and went digging through my room and brought me back polka dot socks a teddy bear and chapstick. And just a few minutes ago she was sitting eating cottage cheese for snack and looked up and said mommy your pretty I didn’t quite hear her and I said what she then yelled I think you have pretty hair and blew me a kiss. Open-mouthed smile My sweet peanut is so great even when she is naughty. Here is too the adventure of motherhood always being this interesting.

A New Relationship

Gus……well I met someone about a month ago. His name is obviously Gus. He is such a great and amazing man. He is a hard worker and has such amazing integrity and such a wonderful outlook on life. I have come to appreciate him so much!!!! This past weekend I got the opportunity to meet him face to face. The weekend was way to short and due to curcimstances out of both of our control we didn’t get the time together we both wanted, but it was still fantastic. He is kind and sweet, very complimetary and has opened my heart in a way that has allowed me to feel more free and open to love. The past though not gone is more healed and the wounds of the past are becoming fading scars. I pray that the Lord will bless this budding love, that it will grow into the mature love that I have wanted my whole life. Thank you Lord for my many blessings.

Summer Break

It has been awhile and I have meant to keep updated but alas I am behind. Though in my defense I have been very busy and distracted. Open-mouthed smile Lily and I started off the summer with a 9 day trip to Denver. Israel graduated from college and it was our privledge to share that experience with him. We had a great time which included a trip to the zoo and the butterfly pavillion. We also got time with the wonderful Tasayco’s and Nielsen’s. They treated Lily so great and it is wonderful to have extended family like that. We have had some great times with the Johnston’s, Ivie’s, and the Arbon’s. But, I have been in school full-time and I am working at Shepard’s Fold Daycare. (Where Lily attends.) Which I love, the people there make it feel like going home. I have also had the priveldge of spending some extra time Mike’s side of the family and that has been really fun I have learned to appreciate them in a new way recently. I am grateful for all the people in my life and their unique contribution to Lily and I’s lives. More is to come but here are the basics for now. Smile